Remember me?
by Depraved Doll
Summary: Dean’s spent his entire life giving his baby brother anything that he has ever wanted regardless of the cost to himself, maybe it’s because he needs Sam, because without him he has nothing… wincest


**Remember me…**

**Summary- **Dean's spent his entire life giving his brother anything that he has ever wanted regardless of the cost to himself, maybe it's because that he needs Sam because without him he has nothing… wincest

**Rating- **T?

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Dean had always been protective over Sam, when he had been a baby and Dean little more than a toddler; it was Dean who catered to all of Sam's needs. When they had been young children at school if anyone had dared to upset his baby brother Dean saw to it in true Winchester style, beating the crap out of them, Dean hadn't done very well in school but he saw to it that Sam had. When Christmas and birthdays had come around it was Dean who had worked night and day to buy Sam what he had wanted. Dean did everything for his baby brother even if he hadn't wanted to, even if he'd wanted something for himself, if it made Sammy happy to have it then it was his.

Sometimes he wondered if Sam had even realised everything that his older brother had done for him. If when he had left for Stanford he had seen that pain in his eyes or did Dean know how to mask it too well. Even then Dean had done everything for his brother, he'd check on him regularly, standing back in the shadows like the monsters he hunted and allowing his brother to continue with the life that he wanted, the one that didn't involve him. He had brought Sam a Christmas present and birthday present and left it in his room, never meeting with him, he slipped in and out like a phantom.

He never heard any thanks from his brother, never received a single thing in return, so he hunted, so he tracked all these things that went bump in the night and took all his anger, all of his frustration out on them. Brutally killing them in a more torturing cat and mouse style game than anything else, hand to hand combat just to ensure they got a swipe at him, because he preferred the tearing of his flesh than the way that thinking of Sam made everything ache with an unexplainable pain. When he returned drenched in blood, his dad never said a thing.

He bumped into Sam one night, he was walking back from a restaurant with his girlfriend, Dean was all but limping back from a hunt, his chest baring four huge gashes from where the nasty bastard had lunged for him and caught him off guard. His leg was throbbing from where the creature had hit it and there was a gash running down from his hairline down to his eyebrow from where something, he hadn't been sure what, had hit him. The elder had stopped and drew his coat tightly around himself to hide the injuries on his chest. No time to do anything about the one on his head. Sam had looked at him, eyes locking, the baby brother that Dean had done everything for just blinked and walked past him and Dean felt something tear but carried on to the Impala.

The elder Winchester brother just sat in his car, parked not twenty meters away from where he had last seen his Sammy, head back and staring up at the roof of the car. Music pounding out from the car radio and he wanted to cry and he wanted to scream and he wanted to beat the crap out of something. He kept thinking of all those times when he had worked midnight until six in the morning so that he was home to give Sam breakfast and take him to school then gone back and worked nine until five and come home to make his brother dinner and grab a couple of hours sleep then hunted and headed back out. He remembered being dead on his feet, he remembered how it was all worth it to see his brothers smile when he got that particular game that he had wanted on Christmas day. Now he just wanted to punch the little bastard.

His phone rang, the jingle annoying him more than it ever had before and when he looked to see who was calling him at such an estranged hour he decided that for the first time that he wasn't going to ignore his feelings to appease his brothers because believe it or not Dean Winchester was hurt and not just physically. The jingle stopped, started up again three minutes later, around the sixth time he answered, not saying a single word.

"Dean? You there? Dean?" The familiar voice called, a slight panic tingeing the words, the music was the only thing that answered, Dean staying completely silent, "Dean I know that you're there, talk to me, for gods sake say something." He didn't, wasn't sure what to say mainly but wouldn't have said it even if he had. "Dean?" He sounded almost desperate but it was just too much right now, not everything was about his brother, it was about time he learnt that and thought of himself for once, Sam was doing that wasn't he.

Dean hung up and the phone rang again, message after message being left, as Dean came back to himself all he did was patch himself up and drive. He was gone a month before having to return to dispose of the young that the creature he had killed before had left. It seemed that Sam knew he was there cause the calls came harder and faster than they ever had before. He answered one, listening to Sam's almost plea's to talk to him, something in his chest caved but he didn't give in, just closed the phone and sat in the Impala listening to music with his head back as he allowed his thoughts to swim.

The phone rang again, he answered, and the same begging started, Sam demanding that he stop being so childish and talk to him. Dean chuckled slightly, he was being called childish? He had given his childhood up completely for his brother and what did he get in return not even a nod as he passed his bloodied form in the street. You could say that he was bitter because he was.

"What do you want from me?" He asked, the first words that he had spoken to his little brother in what seemed like an eternity. There was silence for a moment Sam obviously too shocked at the actual response to continue.

"Uh, are you ok?" The younger asked finally, Dean nodded to himself,

"Yep," he answered and hung up, and Sam listened to the dial tone for five minutes, before telling Jess that he'd meet her back at the campus and walking out of the bar that they had gone to with friends. He walked for a while not really sure where he was going, he turned, going to cross the road, looking up and down the street and saw the Impala turn the corner and start hurtling towards him. He stepped out into the road and stared ahead, hoping that Dean was paying attention. The elder Winchester skidded to a halt less than an inch from his brother's legs and didn't even blink. Sam quickly slipped into the car and Dean didn't even look at him.

"Drive," Sam ordered,

"Get out," Dean retorted, the younger ran a hand through his hair and sighed,

"Can we just go somewhere to talk," Dean didn't answer but put the car in drive and sped up the road until he came to the opening that lead to the woods on the outskirts. He stopped the car took the keys and got out, slamming the door and never uttering a word to Sam. The younger just followed him. "For God's sake I'm sorry does that make it better?!" He screamed after his older brother, Dean chuckled somewhat maliciously and turned to face his baby brother the one that he'd given everything for.

"Sorry for what?" He asked, eyes narrowed because he wanted to hear Sam say it, he wanted him to have to admit to what he had done, because it was wrong and Sam had known it the second he had done it, hence the phone calls, the desperation. "Speak up Sam I can't hear you." He spat and it was Sam and not Sammy and he made that painfully obvious.

"For ignoring you that night, for just walking past, you have to understand I didn't want to involve Jess." Sam all but pleaded with him, Dean just nodded bitterly,

"Oh sure I understand, leave your own brother bleedin' whilst you take you're pretty lady friend home, I understand Sam. I never would have done that to you!" He yelled, "how little do I fucking mean to you?! How ashamed of us are you?! What the fuck did I do to you to deserve this treatment?!" Dean asked and he was hurt and he was breaking and Sam had tears in his eyes but so did Dean and he couldn't stop cause it wasn't fair on him to keep biting his tongue and pretending that everything was ok.

"I'm sorry Dean." Sam said honestly, head hung,

"It's not fucking good enough," he snarled as he slammed Sam up against the Impala, hands fisted in his little brother's collar. "You don't leave your family like that! Everything I did for you, I never regretted but I regret it now and do you know why because it's all forgotten the minute a pretty blonde walks in the room. You used to act like I was bad, but Sammy I'd never leave you for a girl, I'd never walk past you as you limped home. I'd never treat you like you treated me that night! I hated you for that and I hated myself more for hating you," he explained letting go of his brother and turning away.

"Dean… I…"

"No Sam forget it, you never called, you never remembered birthdays or Christmas, you never bothered, so don't bother now." Dean ground out, "you don't know all the things that I've done for you and I don't even think you care. So uh how about I pass you my gun and you can get rid of one extra thing that you hate in this world." Dean said arms outstretched. Sam hit him, hard, hard enough to split his lip and Dean chuckled as he lapped up the blood, "well done Sam, you're showing some conviction now, I can almost remember what I loved about you." Sam tackled him this time, wrestling against his brother in the fallen dying leaves.

"I don't hate you, you're such an idiot Dean," Sam ground out, loosing his balance and advantage and being forced onto his back by his older brother as they continued to scrap with each other on the forest floor.

"Sorry I'm not college material and as good as your little blonde and your little college friends, maybe I was just too busy making sure that you were." He growled and Sam pressed down on his brother's floating rib just holding back that little bit of extra strength that would snap it. Dean yelped and ended up on his back once again. It was then that a rumble of thunder shook through the forest floor vibrating through both of the Winchester brothers and giving way to an almighty downpour, the rain pounding down on them and drenching them in seconds.

"Stop making assumptions Dean, I never did anything I did because I hate you and maybe I didn't go about it the right way but what are you going to do about it?" Dean just shrugged and punched him in the face, hard enough to send Sam sprawling backwards, hitting the leaf-padded floor with an impressive thud.

"Uh think, 'what would Sam do?' Then get up and run away," the elder quipped, Sam groaned softly, Dean sat up, he was soaked but he didn't feel it and he was grateful for the rain that hid the few tears that managed to break free from his eyes. "I needed you Sam, you just walked past," and it hurt the younger Winchester to hear that but what he had done to Dean was wrong, he knew that, didn't really know why he had done it but he had and all the regret in the world wouldn't take it back.

"Dean," his phone rang cutting him off before he had a chance to say anything, Dean glanced up at the sky as his younger brother opened his phone, he listened to him as he spoke, calm and as though he didn't have a care in the world. Promising Jess that he would be home soon, and Dean's eyes met his, ripping them away the second he thought Sam could see the hurt. He leant against the Impala, watching his baby brother over his shoulder as the rain continued to pour.

Sam's hand fell on his shoulder; Dean didn't turn to face him, his stoic mask firmly in place as he started to break apart.

"Go home, get away from me, I can't stand to look at you anymore," it wasn't said in a raised tone, but it hurt all the same, in all honesty that was what Dean had wanted, for Sam to feel a little something of what he had been feeling since Sam had left him. The younger didn't move, he knew that if he did, if he left, that would be it for them no more crawling back to the relationship they had once had, Dean would disappear into the night and Sam would be alone. "Go,"

"No Dean, we're going to fix this," Dean turned on him then, hands fisted in his shirt once again, turning and slamming him up against the Impala.

"Go on then Sam, fix this," he demanded through clenched teeth, Sam didn't really know where to start. So he broke free from Dean's grip and punched him, the elder landed on his back, splashing in the mud of the forest floor. He went to get back up and Sam knocked him down again, pinning him to the ground.

"Stop it Dean, I get it I was wrong I feel bad enough as it is, you know that I never meant to hurt you, of course I didn't," tears slipped from his eyes and Dean couldn't stand it, had the need to give everything to his baby brother to make him smile again, so what if another shred of him turned to ash as he watched his Sammy leave, he just wanted him to be happy, even if it meant Dean being alone.

"I need you Sammy," his hand gently came to rest on the back of the younger male's neck, "I need you so much, but you don't need me anymore, I think that hurts the most." He explained, voice barely a whisper almost drowned out by the sound of the rain.

"Dean, of course I do,"

"You've made your own life Sam, I'm not part of it, you've proved that to me time and time again," he gently pushed his younger brother away from him, standing, and walking over to the Impala, Sam grabbed him and stopped him.

"Dean, you'll always be part of my life," he ripped himself from Sam's grip, all but growling,

"You don't get it Sam, I don't want to be best man at your wedding, I don't want to be uncle to little Jess junior! I don't want to be the expendable part of your life! The one that Jess resents whenever my back is turned, what happened to us Sammy?" Sam bit his lip,

"We grew up," Dean nodded and turned to the Impala, punching the door, and running his hand through his hair. The scars from countless battles burned on his flesh, he gripped at his hair and hid the tears in the top of his car.

"We grew apart Sam, I get it, hop in I'll take you home," the word fell from his lips with such bitter resentment. Dean had no home, if Sam did then it should have been with him, not some blonde bimbo who didn't know the first thing about the young Winchester. Sam grabbed his brothers' arm, stopping him from opening the car door and slamming him up against it. Their eyes met for a moment, heart beats raced, they moved together, in the blink of an eye, lips on lips and tongues searching desperately for something so forbidden, lost for so long.

The rain beats down, hands grasp at hair, find hidden flesh, there are gasps and moans torn from slightly bruised lips. There's clutching and such a deep need that it feels like an eternity is passing. Sam's hand dances across the scars that Dean received the night Sam walked past him as though he was nothing. They pull apart and Sam pulls his brother close,

"I'm sorry," he really is, for everything, for leaving the way he did, for never returning the calls, for never calling to check in, for missing Christmas and birthdays, for walking past Dean when he needed him. Mostly Sam's sorry for leaving Dean, because he hurt both of them but if he had known that Dean was going to hurt this much he never would have left. He doesn't want to go back now he wants to go with Dean.

"Me too Sammy," he's sorry cause he can't give Sam the life he wants and because he keeps tearing him away from his normality, he's sorry that they didn't grow up like normal kids, he's sorry that he can't be happy that Sam's with Jess. He's sorry that he needs Sam too much to be able to let him go.

Sam grabs hold of him, smashing his lips against Dean's once again, they don't want to stop, there's a need for each other that goes far deeper than brotherly love, deeper than pure lust, deeper than anything they have ever felt for anyone else in their lives and it scares them when they think about it. They know that it's wrong, they know that nobody could ever understand and they don't really understand themselves but it feels good and it feels right and it's what they need, what they want, what they deserve.

They part and they know this is it, this is all it can ever be because Sam has his girlfriend and his normality waiting at home and Dean has demons to kill and lives to save. Dean has never really had a home he just knows that whenever he's with Sam no matter where they are it's more than enough. Sam's eyes are filled with tears that he won't let fall, Dean's never even get to his eyes, the soldier in him won't let them. He caresses Sam's face and in that gesture the younger feels all the others, the gentle touch as Dean had cleaned and bandaged scraped knees, brushed tears away, kissed him goodnight, fought the monsters from under his bed. He has never known his older brother to be so tender with anyone else; Dean has never known it of himself either.

"I'm sorry," Sam whispers, the older Winchester knows, he can feel it just as well as he can see it in his baby brothers eyes, he brings him into his arms, strong and protective and Dean's always been everything to Sam because each other is all they have. Sam's phone starts ringing and their eyes meet, Dean smiles, nudging his brothers' face playfully with his fist.

"Time to go back kiddo," and the thoughts present in Sam's mind to never go back, to hit the road with Dean and leave everything else in the dust but he can't abandon Jess like that, he can't separate from his normality because he needs to have it for a little while longer. Sam just nods slowly, his hand running down the length of Dean's arm falling back to his side and it means more than words ever could. He stares at his older brother for a while, remembers all the times he picked him up, every joke, every brotherly moment, every secret moment belonging to just the two of them. He loves Dean,

He loves the way they slip into the car, how they joke as if they didn't have a care in the world, he loves the way Dean smiles and laughs, loves the looks he gives him, the touches, the kisses, the strength to tell Sam that it's ok to leave him time and time again when it is the furthest thing from it. The Impala rolls to a stop outside of the large building, Dean stares straight in front of him for what seems like an eternity, staring at deserted streets. He looks at his baby brother after the longest of times and although it's so well hidden Sam can still see the pain in those shimmering eyes as they start the parting process once again.

"Try to remember me," Dean jokes but it's less of a joke and more of a well hidden hope, Sam reaches for him, pulling him close and resting his forehead against that of his older brothers.

"You know I could never forget you," and it's everything they've never said but that they've always felt in a few thundering heartbeats. In a few quick touches and hidden kisses they're back to being as close as ever, as though Sam had never left. Dean's hand fists in his hair and it burns but it's so good, he never wants him to let go. Lips find lips once again, harsh and needy becoming gentle and accepting. Sam's hand ghosts across his face, lips pull away, they both smile wistfully as the younger slips out of the car.

The door slams and Dean's heart breaks a little bit more but as the younger walks into his dorm building with a smile on his face maybe, just maybe it's worth that and so much more. Deep down buried beneath the soldier, the hurt, the scars and the weight of the world, Dean knows that Sam loves him more than anything and for the time being that's all he needs.

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_Hope that it was ok and that it was enjoyed, thank you, _


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